I was talking to a friend of Boris Johnson’s partner, Carrie Symonds, about the difficulty she’s having defining her role.
I feel for her and made sympathetic noises.
On the one hand she’s the UK equivalent of First Lady, yet without a wedding ring she is in fact just First Girlfriend, which makes the PM sound like he’s 14 and is absurd given all the girlfriends he’s had.
Now a court is about to consider her function during a judicial review into how a badger cull in Derbyshire was called off.
Animal rights champion Carrie is fiercely against such slaughter, and lawyers will explore whether she had any part in that decision.
In fairness, it’s inevitable she’s interested in what her boyfriend is up to in the day job given she’s a political animal herself, having previously headed up the Conservative Party’s PR machine.
It’s rumoured she advocated tougher sentences for violent and sexual offenders having been the victim of one.
But as unelected First WAG s he must avoid the temptation to wag the tail of the old dog who leads us.
She campaigned for her close chum, the failed MP Zac Goldsmith.
He was elevated to the Lords after the election. If Carrie had a hand in that she shouldn’t have.
There’s a Cabinet reshuffle coming up.
It would be bad enough seeing ministers promoted just because they’re Boris buddies.
But pals of Carrie would be totally unacceptable.
Talking about roles can be risky, as I learned shortly before Tony Blair became PM.
I asked lawyer wife Cherie at a party: “Will you be carrying on your legal work when you’re in No10?”
She rounded on my angrily: “Did your wife give up her job when you became Political Editor?”
Well, no.
But then she wasn’t required at international summits, state occasions or to host endless No10 receptions.
Anyway, I was only trying to make conversation, Cherie. Sorry I spoke.
Hillary Clinton clearly influenced husband Bill when he was US president. Laura Bush less so when George Dubya succeeded him.
You can’t imagine her saying over breakfast: “Why don’t you invade Iraq today, dear? And get your mate Tony to help.
"Anything from the supermarket?”
Sarah Brown was devoted to charity work while husband Gordon was hurling Nokias around, and Samantha Cameron detested political events.
Michelle Obama left Barack to run the country - while Melania Trump looks like she just wants to run from Donald.
Carrie has a good job at environmentalists Oceana.
She should concentrate on it.
Settlements won't settle Mid-East
I realised Israeli settlements built illegally on Palestinian land weren’t going anywhere as soon as I first saw them.
I’d expected hastily constructed shanty towns which could be easily dismantled.
But they’re vast Barratt-style housing estates with immaculate gardens. Israelis living there clearly intend to stay.
I could have been standing in a private new development on the outskirts of any British town.
The only difference between there and here were high walls to shield against snipers taking pot shots through living-room windows.
Donald Trump’s so-called peace deal for the region would allow these settlements to remain under his two-state solution.
Israel’s PM Benjamin Netanyahu is unsurprisingly over the moon.
Boris Johnson broadly welcomes the deal, even though British foreign policy has previously been to oppose the settlements.
This will never fly with the Palestinians. And neither should it.
The only real two-state solution is one in which Israelis don’t have the right to plant their feet in both states.
Boris's Doomsday
Welcome to the Boris Doomsday Clock.
At midnight the inverted pyramid of piffle goes up in a puff of smoke.
Few believe he’ll serve a full five year term.
The only question is when, and how, he will self-destruct.
This clock will monitor his progress - and his Armageddon.
It’s based on the Doomsday Clock created in 1947 by scientists who developed the atom bomb.
The minute hand shows how close the world is coming to midnight apocalypse through nuclear war or climate change.
Scientists, including 13 Nobel laureates, say we’re now 100 seconds from cataclysm, 20 nearer than ever before.
So today we’ll start the PM off on 100 seconds.
And each week I’ll be adding or subtracting depending on the decisions he makes.
Last week he scraped by with Hauwei, HS2 and nationalising Northern Rail so a score draw.
Next week he may not be so lucky.
Banks' holiday
It wasn’t enthusiasm which led Leave.EU’s Arron Banks to celebrate Brexit 11 hours early.
It was because on Friday he was in New Zealand - which is 11 hours ahead.
Chilling out over chicken
I was fascinated to learn from the Chilled Food Association that fruit and salad have been pre-washed in chlorinated water for years.
Why should veggies have all the fun?
When Boris Johnson gets his US trade deal us meat eaters will be able to savour chlorine with our chicken, too.
Safeguarding dinner
The Bishop of St Albans, the Rt Rev Alan Smith, says the new Agriculture Bill won’t produce enough food in an emergency .
Britain is only 60 per cent self-sufficient, and vulnerable should there be an animal movement ban following an outbreak of coronavirus.
The bishop should take his inspiration from our dear Lord.
Jesus never suffered food supply issues.
Not with five loaves and a couple of fish to hand.